We have a tradition in our family that when someone we love leaves our home after visiting, we bestow upon them what we call, a Traditional Carlos. A Carlos is nothing more than a wave that is maintained until the car of our guest(s) has driven out of our sight. This tradition was established back in the 1970’s by Jeff’s brother, David.
The “Carlos” became part of our family in New York City where David lived. A good friend of his, named Carlos, established it. When it was time for David to go home after visiting, Carlos walked outside with David and waved. He sustained the wave as David walked down the sidewalk and disappeared down a stairway leading to the underground Subway. This was how Carlos honored his guests, his way of expressing how important his friend was to him. David passed this lovely tradition onto our family; in turn, Jeff and I passed it onto our family.
The passage for years has taught me that the joy and anticipation of waiting for a loved one to arrive, far surpasses that moment when you kiss them goodbye. This knowledge tenderized my heart when my son Chris left the safe embrace of our home, to join the Air Force. I learned the lesson a new when my son Andy joined the Navy. Today, that same ache fills my heart whenever Andy’s son Aldon leaves. At the moment my heart is tender because we just sent him back to Mississippi. And as my husband drove down the drive onto a winding road, I waved a Carlos, until our car to disappeared from my sight.
Retreating into my house, I sought my computer, where I could be alone with my thoughts and the pain throbbing in my heart. Too fresh is the memory of my grandson’s embrace. I still smell traces of his cologne. My house is full of reminders of him, little gifts he has given me throughout his visit; notes he’s written. Now it’s time to be grateful too his sweet mom and dad, who so freely entrust him into our care. He must be released, like his dad, aunt and uncle before him.
Strange are the mysteries of life as they unfold… In my youth, I learned to mold myself into a parent, changing my focus from me to my children. Then one day my children transitioned into adults, and I sought after the Grace to release them into the world. All the time, hoping that I had performed my job well enough for them to fly on their own. Fly they have!
I’m carried back to the first Christmas Chris was home, after serving in the Air Force. This was before 911 struck and we were able to join our loved ones at the airline gates. Jeff, Grandpa Kissell and I went to see Chris off. Once Chris boarded the plane and was out of sight, I saw tears come to Grandpa Kissell’s eyes. His outward display of emotion embarrassed him, but his words echoed my own thoughts, “He’s the first!”
When Aldon left our house this morning, he didn’t know that his Uncle Chris was waiting for him at the airport, to surprise him. Nor did he know that, Chris was planning to fly back to Mississippi with him, to surprise his daddy (Andy). They’re on the plane right now…
This summer, as a family we have gorged ourselves on laughter, good food and outings. Aldon and I rode my horse Dude and went to Six Flags twice. I took him swimming and he rode bikes almost every night with his grandpa Jeff. We celebrated the 4th of July, his birthday and Grandma and Grandpa Kissell moving to Texas to live with us. Always, when we gather together as a family, we reminisce over the past, reliving fond memories while discarding the bumpy roads that came our way. We hold each other close, clinging just a little bit tighter. How painful that moment is when you kiss a loved one goodbye. The pain is strong, because the love is strong. It is in that moment of departure when your love is the most exposed.
This morning, while giving my grandson a Carlos, I felt a swirl of these emotions. After retreating inside the house, I let my tears flow. Oh, how the well of emotion tugged at my heart! Yet, there was stillness in the moment. Comforting stillness… And in that stillness, I saw the gift I was given… It hovered over me, as well as within. The moment I acknowledged the gift; it seemed to swell and radiate a soothing light. I grasped it with the hands of faith, holding it close to my heart so the light could fill my soul.
Another memory!
I’ll hang on to this one for a while and let it continue to tenderize my heart, before placing it in my treasure trove of other fragments of time. Marveling, how one little boy can completely melt my heart…