“The more you feel, the stronger the pain.
And the more you engage in life, the more you have to lose.”
—Nicole Kidman
Today, whenever I enter a theater and quietly take my place in the audience; I can sense the lingering spirits from past productions echoing through the auditorium, backstage area and down the halls. And as I listening to the orchestra warm up, I feel linked to the cast and crew members backstage. They don’t know me, but I know exactly what they are doing.
They are dressed in their opening costumes, stretching muscles, warming up vocally and actively raising their physical and mental energy levels to meet the demands of the pending performance. Some of them will congregate for a moment of prayer, while others seek out peep holes in the curtains, where they can spy on the congregating audience without being seen.
There’s an inner tremor of anticipation
that runs through the veins of an actor before stepping out on stage.
A few minutes before the curtain lifts, the cast gathers unseen in the wings. If the show is a musical, they listen to the rising stanzas of the orchestra in silence. The houselights go dark; they move into place. The curtain parts, the scrim lifts and floodlights reveal Act 1, scene 1. In that moment, as an actor, you hit auto drive, because your contribution to the performance, is firmly imprinted in your muscle and mental memory and in that instant, your character comes to life!
I hail from a family background that is richly gifted in the arts. My father was well known for his work as a television personality and radio broadcaster in Cleveland, Ohio. My mother’s side of the family are all artists, professional painters, sculptors and musicians. My mother was a professional singer who loved opera and musicals and played excellent piano. She was an award-winning actress in the Greater Cleveland Region and the one who exposed me to the studios and theaters when I was very young. When I was with her, I sandwiched myself in a corner of the backstage, enveloped in dim lights, breathing in the delicious smells of wood and paint from the freshly built sets.
The throb of a theater’s heart has always wooed my own to beat in time.
My personal career on stage began at the tender age of fourteen months old. At two I was enrolled in dance classes. At four, I was accepted as a student with the Duncan Studios, where the Cleveland Ballet troupe rehearsed. My childhood into my teen years revolved around my studies in ballet and classical violin. At ten I began to participate in theatrical productions and when I turned eleven, I was cast in my first television show, Can You Imagine? which was filmed in Cleveland’s WVIZ television studios.
At the age of twelve I was cast as Emily in a youth production of Thornton Wilder’s, Our Town. My love for the humanity of the stage deepened as I delved into the meaningful script. Immediately I felt a strong connection with Emily and was particularly touched by her lament at the end of the play, as she witnesses the emotional and spiritual disconnection within her family. Emily’s despair touched me so deeply that…
“I vowed that to the best of my ability, I would do my best to really connect emotionally and spiritually, not only with my family, but with my animal family members and the outstanding moments that I am privileged to experience through the arts, nature, travel and raising my family.”
It was a great sorrow when at fourteen I left my career behind when my family moved to Fort Wayne, IN. But the theater soon re-entered my life when following my first audition I was cast in The King and I. I quickly became immersed in additional productions, both straight plays and musicals, mostly working under the direction of, Richard (Dick) Casey, who was the artistic director of Fort Wayne’s, Civic Theater. Dick took a liking to me and cast me several wonderful roles; Christine, in I Remember Mama, Alexandra in The Little Foxes, Anna in a marvelous production of Anton Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard, to name a few.
When Dick approached me about attending The American Academy of Dramatic Arts, I was stunned! I was a junior in high school at the time and knew that prior to working with Civic, he and his wife Madge had spent a twenty-five-year run, teaching at the Academy in NYC. But I wasn’t aware that Dick was still affiliated with the Academy as the regional director for the midwestern states. For years Dick had molded me, teaching me the art of acting, so when he offered to write a letter to the Academy introducing me, I was ecstatic. I was also accepted!
At the same time this was happening, my life took an unexpected turn. During that same year, I had formed a crush on a handsome man, Jeff, who was playing the role Judas next to his brother who was playing Jesus, in the first amateur production of Stephen Schwartz’s musical, Godspell. One year later, following my high school graduation, Jeff and I began to date. Two weeks later we had decided to get married. Together we visited the Academy in NYC, but in truth, the idea of managing the city on my own was too daunting. So, I chose the California campus instead.
I had secured an apartment with another actor who was also attending the Academy. But the arrangement didn’t feel “comfortable.” I realized that I was standing at a crossroad, one way led to my career, the other to the man I loved and the future hope of a family and life together. Choosing the latter I returned to Jeff. A year later we were married.
When I returned to Indiana, I was heartsick because I had failed my first true endeavor in becoming a professional actor. Dick very kindly mentored me, pulling me from my state of shame by quickly casting me in some wonderful, leading roles, including Louise in Gypsy, Laurey in Oklahoma, Rosabella in The Most Happy Fella. He also cast me once again, as Emily in Our Town only this time, I was twenty-four and in the early stages of pregnancy with my first son, Chris.
Jeff and I did a few shows together too. My favorite being The Diary of Adam and Eve, which is the first act in the musical The Apple Tree. I signed with an agency in Indianapolis, where I worked on TV commercials and modeled for stock photography. And then I had my second son, Andy. A year later, my daughter, Juliann was born.
After relocating our family to Texas, I willingly gave up my acting career, when my feeble attempts to juggle a theater schedule and be a fulltime mom to children with special needs collided. With my background in ballet, I naturally slipped into a long-term career as a fitness professional, which allowed me to work around the children’s schedules.
However, the actress within my rebelled with a tantrum that burned like a raging inferno! Despite my best efforts to kill the desire, it refused to be subdued and believe me I tried for years. I had to find an outlet some creative means that would allow me to channel emotion and develop strong characters. That is when I began to “act” on paper.
Creative people need a creative outlet! A means that allows their creativity to flow in order to live a happy life!
Twenty-five years passed by. I was a mid-life empty nester and decided to attempt to re-enter the theater world in Dallas. I was shocked when I landed my first audition in a production of Nine. Honestly, I picked up where I left off working in stage productions. It all came back to me perfectly naturally. But I divided my work on stage with work on film and TV. I had two agents, one in Dallas, the other in New Orleans and became a member of SAG. But about the time I entered my late fifties, the burning fire that had fueled my ambition began to fade. I can’t say that it was easy giving it all up again, but it has been nice to downsize and slip into a less stressful more comfortable life.
Now, I’m well entwined in my winter season in life and when I look back upon my life, I’m so grateful for the family Jeff and I have created. For the horses and other animals that have also enriched my life. Jeff and I will be celebrating our 48th wedding anniversary this year. It has been a wonderful and full ride and…
…Yes, I would happily, make the same choices and do it all again in the exact same way!